5 Myths of Outdoor Parenting
For nearly ten years I hosted a blog about my transition to parenthood as an outdoorsy and adventurous spirit. Honestly, my husband and I weren’t sure at the outset of our relationship whether or not we wanted to have children. Would it compromise the lifestyle we loved so much? It’s a topic I write about a fair amount in my memoir/travelogue coming out this fall.
That blog, AdventurousParents.com has now been retired. I stopped writing on it about two years ago. It was a natural ending, as I felt that my “transition” to parenthood had been complete. I also felt increasingly uncomfortable writing about my daughters in the present tense anymore (they are now 4 and 9!). That being said, I wanted to transfer some of my blogs here to my website, especially those that are more “evergreen” and have generally applicable lessons for my community.
Hiking to Bow Summit and Peyto Lake. Photo: Paul Zizka.
I wrote the post below when my oldest daughter was 3.5 years old. We hadn’t even conceived her younger sister by this point. What I wrote back then is that if there was something I learned over the course of the early years of parenting, it's that much of it isn't what it seems at first glance. The reality is that much of what we aspire to be as "outdoorsy parents" (or even just parents) is based on myths and ideals that we shouldn't get so caught up in.
Even today I catch myself scrolling through Instagram seeing all the cool stuff people are doing and my parenting style feels totally lame. For many years, I felt like I was swimming upstream trying to do things with my kids that seemed to be so easy for others to do.
So I decided to write about the myths I got sucked into along the way. Myths have some element of truth to them. But mostly they take us down that dangerous hole of comparison. It has been a process for me to realize that there were things I was aspiring to that simply weren't real to begin with.
With some slight edits from the 2016 edition, here are the myths I once believe in, what I decided to do instead and an “update” from six years later.
5 Myths of Outdoor Parenting
1. "Kids are so adaptable. They'll fit into your lifestyle if you start from an early age."
Sort of. Let's keep in mind that some kids are more adaptable than others, and personality makes a huge difference in this equation (a huge component depends on what kind of kid you're raising!). Some kids are more sensitive to cold, constraints, changing environments, motion, bright lights, etc. A lot of outdoor or adventurous parenting involves any combination of these things. I'm stoked for you if your kid is the easy-going type who's always up for whatever adventure you've got planned, but coming from "the other side" I can confidently say, this is not something that we can 100% expect.
Instead: Plan your adventures and use each new situation as a chance to get to know your child better. From there, work with their needs and plan accordingly (while gently pushing your child into new experiences!).
Update: Adaptability is definitely something that came with time. We toned down our travels for a few years, but daughter #2 was a bit more easygoing. After our oldest hit age 5, we were able to do some backcountry trips and travel to more off-the-beaten-track places that required a fair amount of flexibility.
2. "I see others doing it, so we should be able to."
Not necessarily. I naively assumed that this would be the case, and that we could take our little one on some awesome adventures early on. But a few trips gone sour made us realize we were far from this goal (and we pretty much cried while we watched other families embark on the camping trips and travels we were dreaming of). I have no doubt those other families have their challenging moments. But, I wish I hadn't held such high expectations for what we'd be able to do because it stopped being fun. Again, personalities play a big role here, as do people's schedules, finances, and other needs. When our outdoor excursions become stressful, the experience can quickly become a negative one for everyone involved.
Instead: Embrace your own family's adventure style. Find opportunities to teach your child what it means to have an adventurous spirit and respect for the outdoors (without too much added stress!)
Update: Like #1 here, it took a few years before our experience as an outdoor-loving family began to resemble what we hoped it would be. I really wish I hadn’t let it bother me so much. The years fly by and while it can feel discouraging in the moment, just know “this too shall pass!”
Puttering around at Mirror Lake, Banff National Park. Photo: Paul Zizka.
3. "A balance bike is the best way to get a kid biking."
Here's a more specific myth, and I'm gonna bust it. Balance bikes certainly work for some (most?) kids. However, I swear, I had my kid trying a balance bike for two full summer seasons and she never caught on. We tried to adjust the seat and the handlebars multiple times, tried taking her out with other kids who were riding balance bikes, tried putting it away for weeks at a time, tried three or four brands. Finally, I abandoned it and bought my kid a small bike with training wheels (as one of my Instagram followers commented, "almost a crime in the Bow Valley!"). In under a week, she was riding around the block. Sure, she doesn't balance entirely on her own yet. But the point was to get her riding a bike, and now she can. Yay.
Instead: Certain pieces of gear will come highly recommended, but don't be afraid to follow your gut instinct if something isn't working. A balance bike is fantastic if it 'clicks' for your kid, but if it doesn't, teaching them the way you were taught might just be the best way.
Instead: Here we are with daughter #2 learning to ride a bike and it was the same thing: she just couldn’t get into the balance bike. So I ditched it and we’re straight into training wheels (lesson learned!) Our oldest didn’t learned how to ride until she was seven years old, but now we’re enjoying some awesome family rides, with the littlest in the chariot.
4. "Everything I need to know about outdoor parenting I learned from Instagram."
First of all, Instagram is only one social media feed in the mix. But, there's a general trend on the platform (and others) that I think glamorizes outdoor parenting in an unhealthy way (and I'm entirely guilty of proliferating that trend). The main problems here are that we're relying on a small caption for the backstory and the photos/videos are highly curated. Parents, including me, are often choosing the best, cutest, or most impressive moments to post. Savvy outdoor brands have caught on to the trends and have some money to make off this industry, so we see this 'idealized' version of outdoor parenting in marketing, too.
Instead: Have fun on those feeds, but know there is usually more to it. For all you know, the experience may have been riddled with tears, tantrums and/or negotiations!. Don't let the images on social media set your standards because they don't tell the whole story.
Update: Six years later, nothing has changed. Social media is a double-edged sword. I see a lot of posts that feature exceptional kids (like that kid doing terrain tricks on a snowboard at age three?) or even inspiring posts about a family hiking the Pacific Crest Trail with three young kids in tow. Draw inspiration but then embrace your own time outdoors with your kids, whatever that looks like. Take it all with a grain of salt.
Our trip to New Zealand and Polynesia back in 2014 was an eye-opener in terms of the importance of setting simple goals outdoors. Photo: Paul Zizka.
5. "You're not an 'outdoor parent' unless you're doing cool stuff with your kids."
That's exactly what I thought when I started the blog, having read books by people who did epic hikes with their kids, camped in crazy places, and travelled the world with a baby. But after many years of running AdventurousParents.com, I came to learn that the only goals in all of this are to teach our kids to love playing outside and to embrace a spirit of adventure. Let's go back to the basics, shall we? The reality is that a truly outdoorsy lifestyle requires time and money, and not all families have those things. I still hope to spend time camping, hiking, skiing and travelling as a family, and I think those things will come as my daughter grows older. But, I'm also in a position to send a message out to parents around the world, and the glamorized version of outdoorsy or adventurous parenting (described in #4) is not what I want to convey.
Instead: Outdoor parenting is encouraging unstructured, outdoor play for children on a daily basis. Pure and simple.
Update: I was right about those things getting easier as my daughter grew older. We’ve travelled to some incredible places as a family, and have started to up the ante on our adventures here in the Canadian Rockies. All the same, I have held onto the idea that the goal is to teach kids to love playing outside. The mental, physical and emotional benefits of simple play outside far outweigh any big goals I have for us to accomplish as a family.
And, one last thing, LIGHTS TO GUIDE ME HOME presents an honest portrait of what it really looks like to do “cool” things with your kids. I think you’ll find it entertaining and insightful from that standpoint!
As always, I welcome your comments below. Did you get sucked into any of these myths? What would you add to the list?
