Tips for Writing Memoir — Meghan J. Ward

From story selection and structure to finding beta readers and the editing process, here’s a window into my first-time memoir-writing process.

I didn’t originally set out to write a memoir. My publisher and I were thinking more of a “how-to” or a short manifesto-style book about outdoor parenting. Then, a timely meeting back in the fall of 2018 changed the course of things forever. My publisher and I were chatting about ideas at the annual Banff Mountain Film and Book Festival. I felt that there was something in the lifestyle my husband and I had chosen, the adventures, the freelance work… this leap away from the standard 9-5. The potential book was about more than outdoor parenting.

My publisher looked pensive, then he said, “I think this is your story.”

I had never considered that I might be the through-line. But once he suggested it, the story progression began to unfold. I could write about my life pre-Paul and pre-mountains, our lives before we had kids, and the journey since. It would be a story about transitions and big life changes. I felt confident that I had enough fodder for a full-length manuscript. I signed a contract the following winter.

The problem was I didn’t know the first thing about writing a memoir.

I suspect there are other writers out there facing a similar dilemma. When one sets off to write a memoir, it’s most often the first time they’ve ever dabbled in that genre, apart from essay writing. Some writers produce many memoirs over the course of their careers, but there’s always that first time, which would be no different from the first time writing fiction or a collection of poems.

So, how do you start?

The following is an overview of my own clunky process with memoir, in particular.

And a note on that, which I heard in Emily P. Freeman’s podcast The Next Right Thing. A process seems linear when we talk about it after the fact. But anyone who has ever written a book knows that there are a lot of ups and downs and side trips. There are some rabbit holes and wild goose chases. Expect the process to feel like you don’t know where you’re headed sometimes. There’s magic in that.

A Home for Your Words

One of the first things I did was scrap Word or Pages in favour of Scrivener, and I’m so glad I did this right from the beginning of the process. Similar software may exist now, but I love Scrivener because of how it allowed me to organize my ideas, research, chapters, appendices and more — all on the same screen. There was no more toggling between individual files or endlessly scrolling through a document. I could export to Word, PDF or any number of formats when I needed to send the manuscript out. It’s worth doing the one-hour tutorial when you first start with Scrivener so that you can maximize the tools.

What’s the Goal?

Spend some time thinking about your objectives for writing the book. Clarifying these will help set your own expectations for yourself as you enter into the writing process. Mine, in a nutshell, were to:

Assert my professional authority in the areas of outdoor, travel, adventure and pursuing those with a family.
Establish me as a book author.
Tell the stories that are burning inside me because I want to.

What’s the Transformation Story?

I’ve got to hand it to the team at Scribe for this bit. This may be something you continue to shape as you write but give some thought as to what the transformation story is. How are you changed through the story of your life? As an example, my personal transformation story, which is never explicitly stated in my memoir, is from “good girl/people pleaser” (Point A) to “woman who no longer abandons herself” (Point B).

A secondary question might be what the reader will ultimately get out of reading your story (because let’s face it: they don’t care as much about you as what they can apply to their own lives). In my book, readers find an example of what it means to carve out your own identity amidst both internal and external expectations.

Having your transformation story in place gives you a focus as you select vignettes from your life to feature in the memoir.

Who Are You Writing For?

Decide on your primary audience, as well as a secondary audience(s). Be as specific as you can be. You might even choose to come up with a few avatars you can write for, including their names, ages, interests, likes and dislikes, etc! This may change through the process, but having a clear sense of who you are writing for is very important. You can’t be all things to all people, and it’s OK if certain people don’t like your book. The aim is for the right people to pick it up.

Here were the audiences I was working with. I chose to use friends who fit the descriptions as my avatars.

Primary:

Outdoor adventure types, both parents and those curious about that transition.
Women/mothers looking for inspiration and support in “finding themselves” and carving their own path.

Secondary:

Wanderlusters and people who enjoy stories of travel and average/relatable adventures.

Start with High Points

You know the rough theme, so now take some time to brainstorm moments or “vignettes” from your life that may be part of a larger chapter, may be expanded into a full chapter in and of themselves, or perhaps even scrapped later. Don’t worry about whether or not you’re coming up with ideas you may never use; the brainstorming process will start to unlock things for you and help you figure out what kinds of stories will be comprised in the book.

Out of the stories that made the final cut in my memoir, some were part of my original high points list, and many others were added as the greater story took shape and as I unearthed memories. You’ll be surprised what pops up for you as you start to write.

Get a Sense of Structure

In my book and writing consultations with other writers, one area that comes up a lot in my advice is structure. Every writer has their own preference for when and how structure plays a role in their writing, but I’m a firm believer that having a “container” helps the writing process. Again, this structure will likely change over time, but giving yourself parameters helps you to stay focused and makes it easier to rearrange later.

I like to think of this in a few ways:

How will your chapters be organized? I chose to order mine chronologically and do some flashback sequences within that, but I’ve seen other memoirs that toggled between past and present.
How will the book (overall) be organized? I didn’t know my book would have three parts until I had a lightbulb moment (I honestly can’t tell you what prompted it). But as my book covers about 16 years of my life, having 14 straight chapters seemed long and arduous for the reader. I was stuck on it until I realized I could divide it into three parts: One Becomes Two, Two Become Three and Three Become Four.
Is there anything else you can standardize? Maybe every chapter starts with a quote or you decide to put together a playlist of songs from each chapter. Features that I added were location and date references with my chapter titles. This helped during the writing process (it’s a lot to keep organized!) and I decided to keep them in the final book as they could help clarify the timeline for the reader. I also added a quote to each section opener.

Finally, there are many “classic” ways of structuring your book, including the “W” structure of conflict points and resolution (the downward trajectory is a point of conflict/crisis, and the rising line is the resolution). The internet has numerous resources to help you discover these storytelling styles.

Write Your Heart Out

The writing process in itself is a highly individual experience. Some people transcribe their writing from audio recordings. Others write free-form without giving a thought to editing. I write at my best when I craft my sentences as much as possible from the very beginning. At times I’ll jot down point form notes for items I don’t want to forget about. But mostly I do a lot of rewriting as I’m writing and that’s just my style.

I also found that I did not have a desire nor a need to write my book chronologically. I picked away at whichever chapter was speaking to me when I sat down to write (Scrivener was a great help with this because I could toggle between sections easily). I sometimes put off certain chapters or vignettes because they were mentally or emotionally taxing. I found it better to write those when I was feeling inspired, rather than forcing myself.

Find what works for you and don’t worry about how others do it.

Mindful Memory Recall

Memory recall can be a challenge, even an obstacle, especially with memories related to personal trauma. Writing about them can be a trigger, and sometimes it can unlock things you never realized before. On that note, any amount of memory recall can feel draining because of how hard we need to work to relive certain moments and write about them accurately, using all five senses.

I’m not a mental health professional, so seek advice from a counsellor, therapist or another practitioner if you’re noticing that the memory recall is bringing up things that are difficult for you to deal with.

During the writing of the more difficult passages in my book in this regard, I found myself dealing with chronic migraines and feeling generally unwell and tired. It often coincided with some writing retreats I gifted myself (time away from the kids is a luxury!) and I remember thinking, “What the heck? I’m finally taking time off and I’m feeling like crap??” But, of course, it was all connected.

What we write on the page is something we’re literally tearing from our bodies. It’s expected it will open a wound. Take time to take care of yourself in the process.

Have a Listen

One of my favourite parts of my own process was to export my chapter drafts to a PDF so that I could listen to it using a PDF Voice Reader. I could then go for a walk and just listen to what I had written and it brought the words to life for me in ways I could never see reading them on my computer (or even on printed pages). One thing I noticed the most while listening to my writing was repetitive sentence structure (we all have our crutches!) When I heard something I really wanted to fix, I made a note of the word or phrase in my phone’s Notes app so that I could go and use the Find feature to locate that section later in the draft.

Mostly, I learned I enjoyed listening to my own writing. It was helpful to wait a number of days, even weeks, between writing the text and listening to it Having some degree of unfamiliarity with it helps to keep it fresh when you plug in your earbuds.

Get Input from the Right People

Choosing my Beta Readers was a very intentional process for me, especially after reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Four Question Test to Know Who to Trust. These are:

Do I trust this person's taste and judgment?
Does this person understand what I'm trying to create here?
Does this person genuinely want me to succeed?
Is this person capable of delivering the truth to me in a sensitive and compassionate manner?

I was keenly aware that the feedback process could be a hurtful and unproductive one if a) I didn’t choose the right readers and b) I failed to give them directions so that their feedback would be helpful. I took this process very seriously. I first waited until my second full draft was complete, after first making some of my own edits. I then selected four people in both my primary and secondary markets who had writing experience, and asked if it was something they might be willing to do (they all said yes). Having other writers was important to me because we could have a shared language of sorts and they could provide specific feedback that could be translated right back into my writing.

I then sent them the following in a Google Drive, with shared documents where they could keep their notes:

the manuscript (both Google Drive copy and PDF)
a positioning document (which outlines the book’s objectives, why people should read the book, target audiences and book synopsis)
a guide with general questions, as well as chapter-specific questions:

What worked for you and what didn’t work for you?

Where were you missing details or wanted me to go deeper?
Any portions that didn’t serve the story or the themes?
What spoke to you the most?
Does it serve the goals as outlined on my Positioning Doc?

I also invited any comments or feedback they had for specific sections that didn’t work as well for them. I waited until all the feedback was in before I sifted through it. The key was to enter the critique with an open mind. I also found it useful to look for commonalities in the feedback and this became a guiding light for me. And when there were pieces that I felt differently about, I knew it was up to me to make the executive decision.

A word of advice: Choose your “asks” very carefully, as your readers likely only have time to read the manuscript once. I reserved my readers for midway through the process and had one additional reader go through a later draft. I didn’t offer monetary compensation; in my case, I selected industry friends and colleagues with whom I felt comfortable asking a favour.

Edit with Intention

What I mean by “edit with intention” is to have a specific purpose for your edits. I made a few “sweeps” of my materials, each with a different end goal in mind:

Edits from beta readers - I first went through and applied any edits and did necessary rewrites based on their feedback.
Thematic editing - I worked thread by thread to make sure I brought the reader all the way through from beginning to end. These threads included: my relationship with my husband, my faith journey, my relationship with adventure, my writing career, and my life as a mother.
Line edits - I went one chapter at a time and edited them for sentence structure and clarity, which involved some restructuring.
Whole book edits - after a big step away (about two months), I returned to the book with fresh eyes and ironed out any sections that felt clunky, edited for more clarity, fleshed out more dialogue, and made some cuts. I did two full book edits as part of my process, including one on paper (I had it printed and bound at Staples).

Some writers will have a developmental edit when they work with a publisher. I workshopped a few chapters with an editor as part of the Scribe coached author program (they have lots of free resources you should check out, too!). I later worked with an Editor on a copy edit where she also offered some additional suggestions for small changes.

Let Go

Once you submit a manuscript, there is a process of letting go… a few times. When I first submitted my manuscript on October 1, 2021, I felt a huge sense of relief. I knew I could eventually make changes if I needed to, and if there was anything I decided not to publish, well, that could be changed, too. My copy edits didn’t happen until February/March 2022, and at that point, I had the opportunity to change anything I wanted to (with my editor’s consent).

The FINAL version was sent for my review in late May 2022. I had one last opportunity to make small changes. When I signed off on the final proofs, it was scary. There was no turning back once it was sent to the printer. So now I need to trust I did the best job I could, and the decisions I made about what to include were ultimately the right ones because it was what I needed to say.

Many other memoirists have told me it is the readers who will ultimately complete the process. They will complete the feedback loop. And the experiences of the readers will be entirely their own. At that point, the book is like any other piece of art: up to people’s interpretation.

All we can do is our best. Once it’s gone to print, it’s time to relinquish control and remember why you set out to write a memoir in the first place.

Writing a Memoir (When You've Never Written One Before)